today freedom and i skidded anxiously down a muddy road,
somewhat uptight with the prospect of being shot
-unsure of what exactly was being hunted

is this a season for anything?

is there really any season during which boys with beers should also be equipped with shotguns?

obviously i dont actually find this a health hazard - i give them the  benifit of the doubt to be... observant?
and not shoot myself, or my horse, and ride despite it rather often

- should i really complain when it is, after all, certainly not my property?

but really this has nothing to do with anything,

when we finally slipped out of the dismal mess of logging ... i need an L word here that describes the sad display of half-hearted trees that now hold on in the mud and destruction.

either way, we were out in the little grassy swarth - where the sky suddenly springs up before you and it's amazingly alive in comparison to the previous - bridge and spring shortly ahead on the horizon

and the ever chary-freedom takes the lovely movement to balk and snort at the unnacostomed sight of..
a lovely little bucket bowl thing, over laden with corn

i was momentarily bemused before i recalled a previous conversation with a certain gun-toting boy in reference to the fact that on the camera that shows what eats the corn - my horse tends to appear rather often

and i'd countered with she clearly needed her own pile.




---

and that made me smile.


but that's not what hangs on my heart
and has my insides all a delicate disarray

i think i've somewhat had my heart broken

i dont really understand how i find myself so stricken

but why is it that if there is some terribly calamity
i cant just be told about it?

instead i'll loiter in loneliness,
untill finally my interest is indulged in what always comes off as a terribly painful confession?

surely it's entirely painful to know,
but if its understood i care,
can't i be allowed to comiserate?

i wish i would allow myself a meager measure of indifference
but the trend is always so faithfully forgiving. 

i cant validate claims of abandoning
by doing it.

but really now,
how long can this go on?